Pacing Ourselves During Chaotic Times

Collective Wisdom and an Upcoming Workshop

Hello from my sickbatical - a 4-week leave from my usual therapy work to rest and recharge, attend to the pile of life and health things I haven't have capacity to do, and to do different work that I never have energy to do while doing my usual work. (More on this soon, but yes, I did submit a second entry for "sickbatical" to Urban Dictionary.)

black and white photograph of an open book on an unmade bed. [Photo by Rhamely on Unsplash]

As you might imagine, 2025 has been a...complicated...year. Both as a person who lives with multiple chronic, disabling conditions which are at risk of worsening with the gutting of healthcare and public health that we've seen, and as a mental health professional who supports many clients in similar situations. I've been having a lot of conversations lately - personally and professionally - about the overwhelm, despair, and heaviness that people are feeling. And that description doesn't even scratch the surface.

There's rage and helplessness that more isn't being done to stop the dehumanization and devastation of multiple groups of people.

There's immense grief at the demolition of progress and protections that gave many people a fighting change of survival in these already unforgiving systems.

There's fear and worry about how widespread and long-term these changes may be and how close to home they may come.

There's intense isolation and disconnection, as relationships and communities have splintered and fractured under prolonged stress and systemic failings (or design).

There's betrayal and unaddressed hurt carried by many vulnerable people who have been abandoned and forgotten because those around them - even professionals - lack the capacity or competence of how to support them in catastrophically stressful times.

There's bone-deep exhaustion from all the effort just to keep up, even as new horrors unfold, distractions are spread, basic human rights are revoked, and the world as we knew it continues to shift under our feet and all around us. (Those of us with energy-impacting conditions, sensory or emotional sensitivities, or challenges closer to home may feel this in every cell.)

It's no wonder so many people are at a loss. As I have said for awhile now, I could really go for some precedented times. Few of us have lived through so many changes a breakneck pace, with new and constant threats on so many fronts wherever we look.

I'll say off the bat - and will forever have a soapbox about this - that feelings like fear, despair, rage, and overwhelm are normal, appropriate responses to rights being taken away, societies in collapse, and a world on fire. Suggesting that the only correct way to do this is solely through focusing on gratitude, practicing mindfulness or meditating (which often looks like disengagement), adopting "good vibes only" in the face of violence is - among other things - emotional and spiritual bypass. It's also dangerous, as it can lead to people acclimating to harm and encouraging others to acclimate by normalizing it. Feeling a full range of human is emotions is healthy, and processing those (which can look different for everyone) is actually regulating and helpful, whereas trying to suppress them can lead to more problems.

That said...to bear witness, to be informed, to feel it all, and to decide how to respond…well, that takes a lot of capacity. And with an unending onslaught of changes and information to sift through, emotional reactions to process, and decisions to make, it can be really depleting without some intention, breaks, and effort to conserve and replenish energy.

Earlier this month, I made a return appearance to Dr. Serena Wadhwa's podcast, Real Talk: The Pendulum. (Listen to the first appearance here.) She graciously had me back to talk about pacing and how challenging, but beneficial, it can be. We discussed how pacing is valuable wisdom that originates in the chronic illness and disability communities, but it also applies to and benefits people who are neurodivergent, experiencing burnout, aging...and actually everyone who has a body and limits. (Spoiler alert: that's everyone, despite what layers of socially sanctioned ableism may suggest.)

Pacing - learning to recognize and listen to your body's needs and limits, and adjusting your activity, attention, and environment to avoid over-exertion beyond your capacity - is actually really challenging. In a society that rewards perfection, pushing, and productivity, and expects people to "pull themself up by their bootstraps/never let anything hold them back", it's often very counterintuitive to learn pacing. Many people struggle with slowing down for numerous reasons, and one of the biggest ones is often the shame that comes from internalized ableism. Most of us get it so ingrained in us that we should just be able to do "anything we put our mind to", that when we first face the reality this isn't true, or it is better not to force ourselves to try, it feels wrong or like a failure.

Trying to find a balance and manage capacity in such a way to address all our needs, responsibilities, relationships, and desires, can also be really elusive. This is extra true when the world is a lot to keep up with and feels really heavy, and this will be especially the case when someone has less capacity than others.

Another thing I rarely hear addressed is that there is also some complexity when it comes to pacing and privilege. When people have a lot of support, or the finances to pay for supportive services, it's easier to delegate things and conserve capacity. If people don't have access to this, pacing becomes harder and sometimes barely possible. Someone who has the flexibility to actually listen to their body's limits is more likely to do so, but someone who is scraping by and needing to do whatever it takes to make ends meet will probably not be able to pace as well. It's also going to be hard to pace well for parents who have young children or children with higher support needs. How well they will be able to pace will also depend on their support, financial resources, and many other factors.

One of the other reasons that pacing is so complicated is that we often miss where our energy is actually going. It's common to feel like anything other than a marathon should be safe and not draining, when in reality there are a lot of places energy is spent that have nothing to do with physical activity. The media we consume, what we're thinking about, how we're feeling, if we're in pain, and many other passive-seeming things are actually draws on our capacity. As Serena mentioned in our podcast discussion, there's actually a LOT of effort exerted in things like driving or even learning new information that our brains process, integrate, and then store.

And pacing is also impacted by how much time is spent restoring and replenishing our capacity. This is certainly done with sleep (and disrupted sleep is often a reaction to high stress periods like the one we're in now), but it's also done with non-sleep rest, enjoyable and enriching activities, and getting enough good stimulation. The tricky thing is, some of these will also require some exertion as they are refilling our tanks, so it can be hard to judge what the net exertion vs. recharge really is.

These are many of the reasons I decided to create a workshop on pacing. As I've been having more and more conversations about this, and as I have needed a refresher myself, I went looking for a resource that addressed more of the complexities. Since I didn't find what I was looking for, I decided to create one! And (somewhat ironically, or maybe appropriately) now that I'm on a break, I finally have the capacity to make it happen!

If daily life has felt like a lot, if you've been feeling drained and looking for a more sustainable way to manage everything on your plate, this may be for you! In two weeks, on Sunday, August 10 at 1pm Central (U.S), I'll be running this 90-minute workshop for folks to come learn more about how to pace themselves better, with short reflection prompts and time for participants to start developing a better pacing plan moving forward. Anyone is welcome to attend (no stipulations on location like with therapy) and the workshop will be held on Zoom.

I am intentionally trying to make this accessible and as low energy as a workshop can be. Feel free to attend from bed with a notebook nearby. There is no need for cameras to be on, no group work or break outs, and no expectation to share with anyone. There will be optional chat open for questions, but otherwise participation will be pretty self-contained. (If helping professionals are concerned about bumping into patients or clients if they attend, changing your name and profile photo before logging on should provide some anonymity.) And if you still have concerns about participation due to capacity, or the date/time doesn't work for you, it will be recorded and available afterward. The fee scale ranges from $25 to $75.

Paid subscribers, Ko-fi contributors of over $10, and anyone who has paid for any services this year - email info@misfitmentalhealth.com for a code for 20% off the base fee of $50. Use for yourself or give to a friend. This offer also applies to any new subscriptions and contributions made up until registration closes on August 8 at 1pm.

If you can’t make it to this workshop, I hope you’re able to take a break to check in with yourself about how you’re really doing in this current climate. The chronic, prolonged stress of witnessing and experiencing devastation, dehumanization, and violence on this level has very real impacts. Your identity, class, gender, and other factors that impact your proximity to this chaos will likely influence how this is all landing for you and your communities. I hope you’re able to take some time to pause and recalibrate. Building self-awareness, preserving capacity, and being intentional about where we want our energy to go will help to sustain us - and the work ahead of us.

Please share widely! We are all going to benefit from better pacing in the days/months/years ahead - and your support of this workshop and my work is much appreciated…extra especially during this unpaid sickbatical!

For consideration:

• Based on the first half of 2025, how confident are you in your skills to manage your capacity without over-exerting, getting over- or under-stimulated, or ending up drained - physically, socially, emotionally, mentally, or creatively?

• Are there emotions or challenges you anticipate confronting if you think about slowing down, being more aware of your capacity, and listening to your needs and limits?

• If you paced yourself better and could conserve some of your capacity to avoid burnout, overwhelmed shutdown, or health crashes, what might that change or make possible for you?